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The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 12

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Okay, this has been a lot of fun, but now it’s Christmas Eve, a time to reflect on what’s truly importa… OH MY GOD! THATS AN ACTUAL STUFFED REINDEER!  What the hell, man!?  Did they kill Blitzen and prop him up to make a better picture?  That was a noble animal once, and now . . . → Read More: The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 12

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 11

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In the Germanic countries, the Kristkindl, or Christ Child is a common player in Christmas traditions.  Because real babies are notoriously unreliable, der kindle is usually portrayed by a young blonde girl.  Here we see her posed with what appears to be a bank robber.

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 10

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Note to Department Stores: Stop hiring 1970′s serial killers to play Santa Claus. Also, his beard looks like he stuck his finger in a wall socket.  At least he fits Clement Moore’s description of “a jolly old elf.”  He’s about half the size of the two kids on his lap.  I bet they’re real . . . → Read More: The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 10

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 9

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OH GOD!  HIS EYES!

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 8

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Redneck Santa is hardcore.  If you’re naughty, he doesn’t give you coal; he shoots your dog!  Or is that one of the hell hounds from “Ghostbusters?”  I can’t tell.  Either way, this dude is scary and he means business!  Look at that . . . → Read More: The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 8

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 7

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Abject terror.  No other two words can capture the look on this child’s face.  And who can blame her?  The worst part about it?  Look at St. Nick’s face.  At first you think, ugh it’s all white.  Creepy, I guess.  But look a little deeper.   Why is his face white?  Is he deathly . . . → Read More: The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 7

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 6

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Hey, Ho!  Let’s Go!  Hey, Ho!  Ho! Ho!

Oi! If you don’t leave milk and cookies for Father Christmas, ‘e’ll break a bottle o’ lager over your ‘ead ‘e will!

P.S.  He’s probably headed to your kid’s school.

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 5

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Ok, go over to iTunes, or Amazon, or whatever, and download “I’m Dressin’ Up Like Santa (When I Get Out On Parole) (LP Version)” by Bob Rivers.  Listen to that and look at this picture.  Pay close attention to his hands, then look at his face.  Look at his hands, then his face.  His . . . → Read More: The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 5

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 4

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This is so unbelievably frightening, I don’t even know where to start.  I imagine that if H.P. Lovecraft wrote a version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, this would be the star.  Even the photo itself looks like it’s been through hell.  It looks like it was scratched out and drawn on, as though someone tried . . . → Read More: The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 4

The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 3

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Santa looks like a rosy-cheeked cross between an Eskimo and a Beagle Boy from Ducktails.  Plus, he’s surrounded by soul-less ginger kid minions holding what appear to be pillows to smother his enemies, ala “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”  I don’t know about you, but that’s how I picture . . . → Read More: The 12 Creepy Santas of Christmas Day 3